In a town where Friday nights are synonymous with high school football, the Mackney Marauders are gearing up for the season opener against their arch-rivals, the Wobbly Pines Wildcats. But while players practice their touchdowns and dodges, one figure off the field is feeling the heat just a tad more than the rest. Meet Joshua Hayes, 25, the Accommodation Manager and self-proclaimed 'Chief Worry Officer' of the Marauders’ fan club. "I can’t help it! Every time the players step onto the field, I feel like I’ve eaten five bags of cotton candy!" Joshua exclaimed, his fingers fidgeting with the sleeve of his team hoodie. "What if they trip over the yard markers? What if the referee forgets how to blow his whistle? What if someone accidentally calls the timeout and doesn’t realize it was a pizza order?" Yes, folks, Joshua is nothing if not thorough in his anxiety. "It's like I have my own personal sports commentary going on in my head, and it’s a disaster movie every time!" he chuckled, although the slight tremor in his voice suggested he was mostly serious. With every drop back of the quarterback or interception that sends the crowd into a frenzy, Joshua's eyes seem to widen, and he may or may not whisper to himself, "Just breathe, Joshua, just breathe." His nervous energy is palpable, so much so that the local sports betting table has recently taken to offering odds on how many times he’ll jump out of his seat during the game. "Honestly, I've started bringing a stress ball to the games. Last week I accidentally made it explode in the middle of the third quarter, and I think I might have scared a few children," he recounted, laughing in self-deprecation. But for all his worries, Joshua's dedication to the Marauders is unwavering. "At the end of the day, even if I’m sweating bullets in the stands, nothing compares to the thrill of seeing them win!" he said. And win they shall, or at least that’s what Joshua, and his stress ball, are rooting for. With the game fast approaching and nerves at an all-time high, one can only hope that the Marauders can match Joshua's enthusiasm—and maybe, just maybe, keep him from needing a paper bag to breathe into this time. So, grab your pom-poms, folks. It’s not just a game; it’s a showcase of athletic prowess, community spirit, and Joshua’s ongoing battle with pre-game jitters. Let’s just hope he remembers to breathe for the sake of the cotton candy!