In a surprising turn of events that has left residents scratching their heads (and some grinning ear to ear), the town’s city council meeting last Tuesday turned into a veritable Shakespearean drama, with sidewalk regulations taking center stage. It all began when Councilman Harold ‘Let’s Not Pave Over Paradise’ Thompson proposed a ban on any new sidewalks along Daisy Terrace to preserve what he dubbed 'natural beauty.' The ensuing debate was anything but pedestrian. Opposition came swiftly from Councilwoman Linda ‘Let’s Get This Paved’ Martinez, who countered with a PowerPoint presentation that included a plethora of sidewalk selfies from her recent travels. “Sidewalks are the arteries of our community! Without them, how will we get our daily dose of caffeine from South Bank?” she exclaimed, as attendees tried to stifle their laughter. However, the crown jewel of this political spectacle was the unexpected intervention from local newspaper journalist Joanne Stevens, who, visibly nervous and fidgeting with her pen, took the floor. “I’m just worried that if we don’t have sidewalks, people will resort to walking in the street like it’s the 1800s, and I just can’t bear the thought of that!” she quipped, her wide eyes scanning the room as if she were dodging a rogue bus. The tension in the room escalated as Thompson insisted, “But have you considered the ecological impact? We’re not just building sidewalks; we’re paving over dreams!” To which Martinez shot back, “I’d rather have my dreams paved than risk a broken ankle trying to navigate the street!” As the evening wore on, the crowd was treated to a rollercoaster of emotions, complete with dramatic gasps, laughter, and the occasional popcorn crunch, courtesy of the snack bar set up by the local Girl Scouts. In a twist worthy of a daytime soap opera, the council voted to table the sidewalk issue until the next meeting, effectively kicking the can (or sidewalk) down the road. For now, the residents are left with a lingering question: Will Daisy Terrace remain a no-sidewalk zone, or will it soon be bustling with pedestrians sipping lattes from South Bank? Only time will tell, and perhaps a few more impassioned speeches will illuminate this sidewalk saga further. Until then, we can only wait—and hope that Joanne Stevens brings her emotional support pen next time. We’re not sure if it’s the sidewalks that need saving, or our council members' sanity.